Online moral high-ground

I’m all for gay marriage, questioning the 1%, getting rid of hunger, ending tyranny, sorting out Aids and cancer, empathising with bullied children on face-smack; I love nothing more than sharing an online moral high-ground before breakfast. A good cause stirs the blood and prolongs erections.  I just think it’s time we gave them some order. On top of the list has to be ridding the world of nuclear weapons. Two men being recognised by the government as married means nothing if, as they say ‘I do’ they’re bleeding from the nostrils due to radiation poisoning. Missing teeth and a mouth full of vomit tends to take the focus of what should other wise be a happy occasion. As for the remaining order of priorities does it really matter?

By all means fight the good fight but it’s quite clear that the powers that be are lining up to attack Iran because they may be building a nuclear weapon. It will start with an increase on sanctions; this will create tension in the region…actually stop! I need not justify why Russia, North Korea, UK , America, France, Belgium, Germany, Italy, the Netherlands and Turkey need to rid their countries of nukies*. (Israel won’t confirm or deny they have nukies, which is fine as they have a deep respect for international law. South Africa, a country known to have dabbled in nukies, claim they’re nukie free. Again, a tolerant country so lets not dwell.) My point is the lack of grace and understanding shown in all of the just causes mentioned above is the very reason why disarming nukies is of the upmost importance.  It only takes one idiot to push the red button and we’re all toast and I’d put my front teeth on that idiot not residing in Iran. So I guess I’m asking if you like my sentiments feel free to share them and even act on them. Otherwise enjoy your weeties.

*I like to call them nukies because it makes them sound cuter. Some of the countries mentioned store American nukies and are able to deploy them. 

A Real estate tip I never thought I would be qualified to give.

I only ever did it twice I think, as not many people got it but I used to do a bit that went, ‘I recently bought a house. That’s not true I just wanted to say the words.’ Only me and maybe ten other people thought it was funny. One of those ten would later become Lady Wife. I wrote it because the idea of owning a home was so far fetched saying the words seemed - absurd. Therefore it had potential to be funny especially as I knew the majority of my audience were not in a position to buy a house. That’s what I told myself to numb the loser feeling real estate gave me. It turns out most of my audience did own houses and that’s why they couldn’t relate. Nothing has changed since I wrote that bit, except I’m married with a child now. FUUUCK! Don’t worry I’m actually very good at budgeting it’s just that my budget is always centred on the bones of my ass. The good news is my family love me and believe it or not, and I don’t, we went house hunting recently. I’m very much a bystander in some aspects of Lady Wife’s organised and adult life but I like to watch and take notes. So here’s a tip that I never thought I would be qualified to give:

When selling a house waft out some family smells like freshly baked bread or apple pie, or if you can, meld the two together and underscore it with a bit of Christmas. Under no circumstances should you allow prospective buyers to walk in and smell cigarettes and regret. Nothing reeks more than the scent of pending divorce. It hangs heavy in the air leaving the poor real estate agent with nowhere to go. ‘So what do you think?’ ‘I think this is what it smells like when doves cry. My inner child would only want to be here every second weekend. I walked in happy and now I want to throw a vase.’  ‘So have you been looking long?’

No this is my first time. I dared to dream and you ruined it! 

Laugh and Cry

With a candle lodged firmly in a rice cake we sang our first hearty rendition of Happy Birthday to Boy Son.  The significance of the milestone must have interacted with a motherly hormone, as Lady Wife could not stop laughing and crying in unison. I’ve never had the skills to pull off the laugh and cry, or understand it, but nor have I had the vision to marry candles with rice so party hats off to Lady Wife for having the ingenuity and emotional capacity to take Boy Son from nought to one.

Photo by Lady Wife