Friday 6 May 2016

Memoirs of an Australian legend.

My brother is an uncouth, breath of fresh air, salt of the earth Aussie legend. I Skyped mum the other day and asked where he was, ‘He’s out on the kayak catching squid.’ What a life. The sun’s setting and he’s yanking in calamari. But his fearless attitude towards sharks isn’t what makes him great. What’s brilliant about Nathan is his ability to back himself.
His mate was set to turf an old barbecue onto the street when out it popped, ‘you could get a carton of beer for that.’ There it was, the birth of an idea. Within hours Swap4beer.com was delivered, phone calls were made and investors were celebrating. Laconic genius at its finest, you swap unwanted items for beer. It hits the heart of every Australian. You get to de-clutter your life and are rewarded with beer. Your wife’s happy and you’re loaded. Nathan made it happen. He got it to the point where swap4beer made it on to Good Morning Australia. THE BIGGEST MORNING SHOW IN OZ INTERVIEWING MY BROTHER! ‘Look out Zuckerberg, Karl Stefanovic’s making jokes about barbecues and beer and Australia loves it. Well they did until they went to the unfinished website and were put off, and then he had to deal with the liquor licensing laws and whilst it’s all kosher now and the websites working, the idea has lost a bit of heat. Yet he’s had a crack, learnt from his mistakes and it could still take off. I mean you swap things for beer for Christ's sake, how could it not? Or does it matter?
Who could forget the time he convinced himself that somewhere in the porn industry stood a man or woman who would soon make the connection between Memoirs of a Geisha, and the new fad that involved squirting. This lead to the hurried purchase of the domain name memoirsofagusher.com. How do you make money from this? Imagine: they wrap the final scene, someone’s mopping up, everyone’s happy when in storms the PR man ‘Someone else owns Memoirsofagusher.com and they want a million dollars?’ You laugh maybe even scoff but part of you wonders would they pay up? I mean they’ve gone to all of the trouble to hire a gusher. I imagine they don’t come cheap (oh yes I did) so to throw it all away.... surely not? He’s yet to see a penny but you never know. The laughs have been worth it.

His latest is a doozy. He Skypes me, ‘I want to write the shitest book ever.’ Get in line I said. ‘No you don’t get it, it’s a book filled with stories about people taking their worst shits.’ There’s a market for that? ‘Come on mate, we’ve all got a funny shit story.’ I laughed not just at the idea but at the fact that he will do it, he will post off to publishers a book with the title The Shitest Book Ever and they’ll probably laugh and you never know… That’s what my brother has taught me, you have to back your ideas because no matter how shit they are, you just never know.

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